My Anxiety

Will you accept me? If I show you the real me?
No, not the me wrapped in pretty ribbons,
Meticulously layered in that vomit-inducing, festively designed wrapping paper you like so much
Those are the distractions I made for you
The real me, she's hidden in a deep dark place inside that carefully crafted box you see
And when she is no longer covered in all the pretend
There is nothing festive or pretty about her...

I never knew how easy it was to lock myself away forever with fear
Fear of rejection, pain, fear of the world beyond the make-shift walls I built myself
Not until reality showed me how disgusting people can be
The cruelty that was once myth, I now see, shining in the eyes of my closest friends
And it's staring me down, constantly
Every god damn day
Every god damn time I get too close!

Will you still love me? If I open myself up to you?
If I allow you to unravel that stupidly sarcastic ribbon?
If I don't stop you when you peel away strip after strip of that thin layer of paper?
When you see the hideous, brown, square safe-haven I've packed myself into

Would you have the courage...

And the strength...

To pull back the lid and get a birds-eye perspective
Into my cryptic cardboard chaos?

No,

^{I don't believe you would.}